PROTOCOL FOR CHIVALRIC ACTIVITIES AND EVENTS

INTRODUCTION

Attending an official or ceremonial chivalric or royal event is a new experience for many persons who may be apprehensive at committing a social error or of giving offense in some way. However, Royalty, Nobility, and Knights are rarely offended if a social error is inadvertently made. In most cases, the natural bearing of the Knight, along with the manners taught to you in your youth, are sufficient and will need only slight augmentation. Of course, Knights are representing their Orders and the chivalric tradition itself, and, as such, they will want to conform to the requirements of probity and good manners. This Protocol is based upon the official Manual of Protocol of The Religious and Military Order of Knights of the Holy Sepulchre.

YOUR ATTIRE

Uniforms

Some Orders have uniforms which are worn at functions where others would wear evening dress (the "tuxedo"). The Order's uniform supersedes all other uniforms and modes of dress, unless one holds a ceremonial office which requires a mode of dress other than the Order's uniform. Some Orders permit their Knights to wear military uniforms if the person is on active duty or if the person is a retired officer. Decorations should always be worn. See the particular Order's Constitution for illustration of the correct wearing of Decorations.

The Chapel Cape

Alternately, at official ceremonial functions only, the Chevalier may wear the Chapel Cape with tuxedo and Decorations and the Dame may wear the Chapel Cape with the appropriate formal evening dress and Decorations. The Chapel Cape is not worn at dinner, although it is worn for any ceremony prior to or following the dinner or banquet.

Informal Attire

The business suit and the sport coat are not often considered "informal attire," but they are. At informal (non-ceremonial, non-official) times, while the OHS Uniform is much preferred, the Knight may wear a suit or sport coat and tie, all with the lapel pin. The Squire/Damsel should wear the appropriate Uniform, or, alternately, the suit or sport coat and tie with lapel pin.

Casual Attire

Casual dress (open shirt with no tie; shorts, no matter how trendy) is very strongly discouraged at all times and are absolutely not worn for the formal and informal activities of the Royal Court.

DINING

Seated at Table

If there is a place card at your seat, the card will face you. The place card allows you to locate your proper position and allows those sitting next to you to see who you are. If a place card is too far away to easily read, you are not expected to have dinner conversation with that person. After making acquaintance with those at your right and left, you will allow them some time to glance at your place card to fix your name in their minds. If someone is sitting across from you, and if the dinner table is not too wide to prevent casual conversation, unobtrusively turn your place card around so that the opposite persons can see it, then introduce yourself a short time after. Some place cards have the name on both sides, thus eliminating the need to turn the card.
When sitting at table, hand shakes are not usually given when introductions are made. However, if a hand is offered, you should take it. You should introduce yourself to your immediate table mates if they are not known to you. Do not ignore persons to your right or left. If the table is not of a great size so that conversation is convenient, you should speak to those across from you. Do not leave your seat to introduce yourself to others after you have seated yourself for dinner, but, if the table seats eight or fewer, you may walk around the table to introduce yourself to those already seated before you seat yourself.

If in Doubt

If you are in doubt about matters of dining (which fork to use? which spoon?), these topics are covered in etiquette books, readily available at the local library, but an easy solution is to quietly follow the lead of the head person at your table who, even if wrong, has the advantage of being at the head of the table!

Caution

Of course, loud speaking and laughter, back slapping, and other boisterous forms of camaraderie are in very bad form. Noise made with eating utensils is also bad form (i.e., stir coffee and tea quietly; do not bang tableware on the plate; and so on). Table conversation, and conversations in general, are quiet and may take any form, but usually politics and religion are avoided if they might lead to upset. Do not be drawn into such discussions should they somehow develop. If asked directly a disputatious question, a good response is: "It is an interesting question, but I am not prepared this evening to offer an opinion." Next, since you have been "given the floor" by being asked a question, you should immediately turn the conversation in another direction by turning to someone to ask a question. An excellent "conversation turner" is this: (turning to a Knight, saying) "Many of us have been admiring your Breast Star/Riband/medal; won't you tell us about it?" Humor that is suggestive or ribald is, of course, avoided.

FORMS OF ADDRESS

Another matter that makes some Knights nervous is the question of what form of address to use. While titles must be used at such events, yet their use should be approached calmly. That anyone will be offended by an error in title usage is highly unlikely. Everyone understands that there will be many Knights, Nobility, and some Royalty at the event, and everyone understands that their attire will not provide a clue as to the rank. There will be no "name tags." Therefore, errors in forms of address, if they happen, will surprise no one. A good approach is to listen when you are introduced, for the introducer will definitely identify the rank and title of the person to whom you are being introduced. The form of the introduction is, itself, a clue--lower ranks are introduced to higher. If you are introduced first, the other person holds a higher rank. Here are general guidelines:

Knights are always either "Chevalier" or "Dame" plus the first or last name; very few Knights hold the title "Sir," but remember that the "Sir" is attached to the first name, not the last. Almost all persons present will hold knighthood in a Chivalric Order.
Barons, Viscounts, Counts, Marquis and their feminine equivalents are always "Your Excellency" (except in Britain where they are "My Lord/Lady"); this title can be used to address these nobility without using the place name. Further, you may use the title, as, for example, "Baron Hamelman" or "Count Maxalla." Also, the simple title of Baron or Count can be used in direct address, as in "I am pleased to meet you, Count." Note that titles are, in fact, derived from addresses and are not used with family or first names; it's "Count Maxalla," not "Count Worley" or "Count Lloyd."
Dukes and Duchesses are addressed as "Your Grace"; this title can be used to address these nobility. Also, the address "Duke" plus the ducal place name can be used.
Western Rite Bishops are addressed as "Your Grace." Eastern Rite Bishops have varying titles, so listen for the correct religious address. If using the first or last name, also use the title, as, for example, "Bishop William" or "Bishop Smith" Priests are addressed as "Father" alone or with the first or last name. Clergy, generally, can be identified because they are wearing clerical collars.
the Prince (or Princess) is initially addressed as "Your Highness," and the King (or Queen) is initially addressed as "Your Majesty." Then, in subsequent conversation, "Sir" or "Ma'am" are used, with an occasional repeat use of "Your Highness/Majesty." The familiar "you" must not be used. The title "Ma'am" is NOT pronounced "marm," as some will have it; say, "ma'em" smoothly (two syllables gives an artificial Southern accent to the word).
When in doubt, the generic "Sir" or "Ma'am" will serve until the correct address can be ascertained. However, don't wait too long. If you wish to know a person's rank or title, simply ask. Furthermore, if you have forgotten a name, simply ask. You will not be thought rude. Nobles and Royals, like everyone else, also suffer from "name slippage," so if you can repeat your name in your conversation, that action will be much appreciated by others.

PHYSICAL COURTESY

The Bow/Curtsy for a Royal

The term "physical courtesy" means the bow (for men) or the curtsy (for women). Where a curtsy is not possible for the woman, as, for example, because of age or infirmity, the bow is substituted.You bow/curtsy to the Head and Chief of Arms of a Royal House and to the Head's spouse. The bow or curtsy is not exaggerated and does not call attention to itself. Physical courtesy is done once upon being introduced and once upon leaving the Royal presence. Do not offer to shake hands unless the Royal offers a hand first. Generally, elected officials of the U.S. Government who are representing the U.S. government at an event and active U.S. military members in uniform who are representing the U.S. government at an event neither bow nor curtsey to Royals, but do shake hands when the Royal offers a hand. Elected officials and military persons, when not acting in official capacity, may bow or curtsey to a Royal.

Giving the Bow

A slight bow by the man is made from the waist while the head bows and the eyes look at the feet of the Royal. For lesser Royals, only the head bows and the eyes look at the feet of the Royal. The bow is not exaggerated, but is dignified and given smoothly and with quick deliberation.

Giving the Curtsy

The lady curtsies by placing the ball of the right foot behind the heel of the left foot, with the feet at a natural and comfortable angle to each other to maintain balance; simultaneously, the hands are crossed at the breast and the head is bowed slightly while the entire body is slightly "dipped" at the bent knees. The curtsy is not exaggerated, but is dignified and given smoothly and with quick deliberation.
Visiting Royalty to an event sponsored by a Royal House are not in their own Courts and receive a lesser bow or curtsy.

THE RECEIVING LINE

The arrangement known as the "receiving line" takes its name from the fact that guests are being "received in greeting" by the Court and Officers of the Court, as well as select honored guests. Because the receiving line is an honor bestowed upon guests, you must go through the line. Whether the line is held before or after dinner, you will leave your table to enter the line. You may enter the line in any order, but the order of the line itself will be hierarchical, with the first person (to your left, facing the line) in the line holding lowest rank, to the Royals who are last in line (to your right, facing the line). After exiting the line, you return to your table.

Procedure in the Receiving Line

The Protocol for the receiving line consists of the Introduction, the Greeting, and the Response:

Introduction: as a received, you introduce yourself (suggested introduction: "Good evening, I'm Chevalier/Dame X of the Order of X"). Men shake hands, but women do not (note: never refuse or ignore an offered hand, but take it for the shake; shaking an offered hand is always proper).
Greeting: While shaking hands, the greeting is made by the receiver in the line (suggested greeting: "How nice to see you," or "We are pleased that you could attend.")
Response: a response is made by the received (suggested response: "Thank you, Excellency, I am honored to be here this evening.").

The Introduction, the Greeting, and the Response are repeated for each person down the line. If the person in the line first offers a hand, take it firmly (you must use a hand pressure equal to that given), make the shake, and release immediately when you feel the other person is releasing. Royals receive physical courtesy, not a hand shakeÑunless a hand is offered by one of them. Should the receiver in line wish to converse with you, then you must pause; but you should not pause on your own initiative to chat because you must keep the line moving.

INTRODUCING YOURSELF

Propriety allows you to introduce yourself to anyone to whom you have not been introduced. A good form is: "Sir/Ma'am, how do you do? I am Chev./Dame X of The Order of the Holy Sepulchre." If the other person is male and you are a male, you should offer a hand after saying "how do you do," then continue the introduction as the hand is shaken; but do not offer a hand to a female unless she offers her hand, and if you are female, do not offer your hand. The other person very likely will fall prey to human nature and forget your name, but she/he will know to call you by your title. If you will repeat your name once or twice during your conversation, that action will be appreciated.

The Courtly Kiss to the Hand

If you are male and the female offers her hand with the palm down and the back of the hand up, you have received the signal for the hand kiss. Use your right hand to take her hand at the fingers, bow slightly while raising her hand and kiss lightly and dryly the back of her hand; then, still holding her hand, gracefully bring it back down until she withdraws the hand. This action is done quickly and smoothly, and only if the hand is offered as described. If the female offers a hand as for a man's handshake, do not attempt a hand kiss, but shake hands.
The other person will introduce him/herself, at which time you will learn the rank and name.

The Continental Greeting

Guests from the Continent may greet another with one or two kisses to the cheek. The Continental greeting is signaled when the shoulders are taken and held while the kisses are given. Often, the kiss is not actually placed on the cheek, but it is proper so to do. Sometimes, the Continental greeting is followed by a handshake (where the two persons are male). The Continental greeting is considered quite formal and is generally only used immediately before or after a presentation. However, the Continental greeting is appropriate for other circumstances. Americans are not familiar with this form of greeting, especially between males, and should be aware of its propriety.

The Reverent Kiss to the Episcopal Ring

A Bishop wearing an episcopal ring may offer his hand so that the ring is to be kissed. If the ring is offered for the kiss, the Bishop offers his hand with the back up and the ring facing up. Use your right hand to take the Bishop's hand at the fingers, bow slightly while raising his hand and kiss lightly and dryly the stone of the ring (it's always an amethyst); then, still holding his hand, gracefully bring it back down until the Bishop withdraws the hand. This action is done quickly and smoothly, and only if the hand is offered as described. If you wish to kiss the Bishop's ring, you signal this by bowing slightly and holding your right hand out as though to receive something. The Bishop will place his hand in yours, and you proceed as described. If the Bishop "misses his cue," don't become flustered. Simply straighten up and carry on as usual. Should the episcopal ring be offered to you, do not refuse, no matter what your private thoughts on ring-kissing might be. The episcopal ring kiss, while religious, is also social.

Cards

Cards (both business and social) are often exchanged at Court, and this is permissible, but there is a certain procedure to follow so as not to impose. After speaking with someone for a while, you may request a card: "May I request your card?" There are three possible responses: the person may say that he/she has no card (note: the person may, in fact, actually have no card to offer...or, alternately, may not wish to offer you a card); or, the person may offer you the card, in which case you receive it with thanks, read it (or look at it as though to read it), and immediately place it in your pocket/purse (men: do not fish out and fumble with a wallet); or, the person may offer the card and request yours. Similarly, the other person may first request your card; if so, follow the procedure as given. If you are offered a card, receive it with pleasure, but do not offer your own unless requested. The differences between the business card and the social card are that (a) the social card is usually somewhat larger than the standard business card and (b) the social card often has only the name and rank of the giver. You may wish to request contact information if you are offered a social card.

Personal Invitations

Personal invitations to breakfast or lunch at the hotel may be offered verbally, but invitations to dinner are written and are rarely given to new acquaintances. You may both give and accept invitations, and you may decline invitations with a "prior commitment" regret or simply with "regret."

AFTER THE BANQUET

You may wish to write to your new acquaintances. You should most certainly write a thank-you to the host of the event, being sure to sign your name with appropriate prenominals and postnominals.

Regarding postnominals: don't be carried away. A string of postnominals sometimes not only is meaningless to the recipient, but also can appear foolish. Follow the Breast Star rule: no more than four. Use only one prenominal, the highest.

© 1996, 1998 by Lloyd Worley. All rights reserved under international copyright convention. Other than a single printout for archival purposes, this article may not be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission of the copyright holder.

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